so, the other night, my mom just randomly wandered into my room and sat down on my bed because i was just at my desk on the computer, it was 2am, and she was bored or whatever. t’was very out-of-character. she was telling me something, then i was telling her something, then i mentioned that i had told my sister she should have done a reading for mom for New Year’s because i bought her a new pack of oracle cards for Christmas to make up for the fact that her tarot cards ran away from her to live with me (long story). then i told mom that maybe we could trade off. i would read her cards if she read my palm. she reads people’s palms casually from time to time, and i knew it was something she started doing in high school, but i didn’t know much else. and with someone like my mom, you really just don’t pry at those kinds of things, you just sit and be thankful they share what they do. it’s a little strange that my mom even read palms because when i was little, and pretty much until i was in high school, she was a very conservative Christian. very. as in, pretty much everything was riddled with Satan. 

so, while we were sitting on my bed, and she’s looking at my palm, i saw her tear up a little, and she told me that when she was about my age, right out of high school, she found this old book, in an antique store or something, on palmistry. and she loved the fuck out of that book. she had every page memorized. she read everyone’s palms, and she was really fucking good at it. then, when she got pregnant with me and became “born again”, everything was, you know, Satan, and she took the book outside and burned it. this thing was like a grimoire of palmistry and then some, and she just set it on fucking fire.

then she said that a couple of years ago, when her bff showed off her talent for tarot cards (from whom my sister received my current cards), she really regretted having burned the book, and she has ever since. she said she then tried looking for a new copy online, but the version of the book reprinted only contained about a third of its original content and she was heartbroken all over again. her original copy was from the late 1800s and contained both how to read palms and the science behind it, as well as several plate scans of the palms of various famous people. now, it seems what’s left of all that either gets split up into different books, or is so poorly reproduced, it’s not usable. 

i felt so sad for my mom. not sorry, …sad. and that’s really saying something because my mom is a bitch and a “functioning” alcoholic and she has made a multitude of terrible life choices and i don’t feel bad about anything that’s happened to her because she brings it all on her self. except for this one thing. like, she loved that book more than anything. that would be like me taking my iPod Touch, with all my absolutely favorite songs, movies, photos…and just setting it on fire because someone thought it was an instrument of magic and therefore Satan. and then, only decades later, realize that humans are fucking retarded, and magic is more likely to get you closer to God than Christianity ever fucking could, and it’s too fucking late because now the zombie apocalypse is on and they don’t make fucking iPods anymore. 

so, i’ve become hell-bent on this quest to find that fucking book. she doesn’t remember the title, but based on her description, it’s a very peculiar version of Cheiro’s Language of the Hand, also known as Palmistry, the Language of the Hand. mom told me there was no use, she’d already looked, and the book is so old it’s practically impossible to find. i was like, “have you fucking met me? i am the internet. if it exists, i will find it.” 

first, i found a copy of the book on E-Bay. she was like, “that looks like the book cover, but i can tell it’s not it because it’s only about half as thick.” after that, i gave up looking for a physical copy. so i started sifting though “gutenberged” copies of this guy’s books. at long last, i found a fairly complete copy, and i sent it to my mom. she said she was surprised and happy, even though it was still missing several celebrity examples, but they weren’t as important, just fun supplementals. now i’m trying for one last version, and if this isn’t it, i’ll stop knowing i made it close enough to make mom happy.

whether you found this interesting or not, i’m just sharing because i really hate it when any religious or spiritual beliefs drive people to such extremes that they destroy any source of knowledge and/or something they love. there’s always a reason why you love it, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. 

please don’t set books on fucking fire. if you don’t like it anymore, just don’t fucking look at it. give them to a friend, donate them to a library, sell them…but do not set them on fire.

or i will set you on fire. 

  1. gretchness posted this